Wacky humour

It’s the weekend. Time to give yourself a break. Relax, have a laugh. If, for whatever reason, you find it difficult to laugh at the moment, maybe the following will help to bring on a chuckle or two, or put a smile on your face at least. Laugh when you can. A day without a laugh is a day wasted.

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided. - Casey Stengel

A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad. An optimist is a man who hopes they are. - Chauncey Mitchell Depew

Scientists have proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is life after death – though they say it's virtually impossible to get decent Chinese food. - David Letterman

Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. - Groucho Marx

A bitter woman says “All men are the same” … A wise woman decides to stop choosing the same type of men. - Unknown

My parents told me, “You watch too much TV, and should try reading more!”. So I turned on the subtitles. - Unknown

I get my exercise running to the funerals of my friends who exercise. - Barry Gray

Death is a very dull, dreary affair, and my advice to you is to have nothing whatsoever to do with it. - W. Somerset Maugham

I know worrying works, because none of the stuff I worried about ever happened. - Will Rogers

Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang, Happy Birthday. - Steven Wright

I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. - Chris Rock

After paying for the wedding, about the only thing a father has left to give away is the bride. - Evan Esar

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get any worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge. - Unknown

It’s absolutely unfair for women to say that guys only want one thing: sex. We also want food. - Jarod Kintz

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse'. - Unknown

It’s funny, don’t you think, how time seems to do a lot of things? It flies, it tells, and worst of all, it runs out. - Markus Zusak

My divorce came to me as a complete surprise. That’s what happens when you haven’t been home in eighteen years. - Lee Trevino

Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone. - Anthony Burgess

‘Vegetarian’ is an old Indian word for ‘bad hunter.’ - Unknown

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