Enjoy today’s selection of humour. I hope they bring on a smile.
Watching football is like watching pornography. There’s plenty of action, and I can’t take my eyes off it, but when it’s over, I wonder why the hell I spent an afternoon doing it. - Luke SalisburyA graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that “individuality” is the key to success. - Robert Orben
If animals could speak the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow, but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much. - Mark Twain
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. - George Carlin
If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now. - Jarod Kintz
Golf... combines two favourite pastimes: taking long walks and hitting things with a stick. - P. J. O’Rourke
We go by the major vote, and if the majority are insane, the sane must go to the hospital. - Horace Mann
He and I had an office so tiny that an inch smaller and it would have been adultery. - Dorothy Parker
Here’s to our wives and girlfriends. May they never meet! - Unknown
It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living. - Unknown
When asked what was the proper time for supper – if you are a rich man, whenever you please; and if you are a poor man, whenever you can. - Diogenes
How do those who contend that woman is the intellectual inferior of man account for the fact that she can give a man a piece of her mind 365 days in the year and still have a huge reserve supply? - Robert Elliot Gonzales
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