Humorous Quotes

Humorous, quirky quotes -  some of which are profoundly true

A wise woman puts a grain of sugar into everything she says to a man, and takes a grain of salt with everything he says to her. - Helen Rowland

Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you're the statue! - Unknown

Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. - Ernest Hemingway

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are. - Will Ferrell

He who falls in love in bars doesn’t need a woman all his own. He can always find one on loan. - Umberto Eco

If it’s sent by ship then it's a cargo, if it’s sent by road then it’s a shipment. - Dave Allen

Life is like sex. It’s not always good, but it’s always worth trying. - Pamela Anderson

People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the centre of attention. - Unknown

Revenge can be bitter sweet, but if you sit back and watch, Karma can be pure entertainment. - Unknown

Sometimes the best you can do is just remain silent because no word can explain the shit that’s going in your heart and mind. - Unknown

Those that can, do. Those that can’t, complain. - Linus Torvalds

You may not realize it when it happens, but a kick in the teeth may be the best thing in the world for you. - Walt Disney