I hope the following selection of humorous quotes will bring on a chuckle, or put a smile on your face. They are humorous, witty, and there is truth in some of them. Perhaps, that’s why we find them funny. We can relate to what’s being said.
May your days be filled with laughter.
Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them. - Jerry Falwell
Marriage is like a game of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. In the end, you wish you had a club and a spade. - Unknown
I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I get a life, I’ll be notifiied immediately. - Unknown
Women don’t want to hear what you think. Women want to hear what they think – in a deeper voice. - Bill Cosby
One of the best things about getting older: knowing someone is an asshole before they even speak. - Unknown
They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds. - Wilt Chamberlain
A woman does not spend all her time in buying things; she spends part of it in taking them back. - Edgar Watson Howe
Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they are ever trapped in an elevator. - Lemony Snicket
Instead of a condom, I keep a moist towelette in my wallet. The odds of me finding delicious chicken wings are outweigh my chances of getting laid. - Unknown
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