Humorous Quotes

Quotes which are funny, ironical, quirky, some of which are also profoundly true.

Quickly, bring me a beaker of wine, so that I may whet my mind and say something clever. - Aristophanes

Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought.  - Sir Arthur Helps

Religion is a great force - the only real motive force in the world; but what you fellows don't understand is that you must get at a man through his own religion and not through yours. - George Bernard Shaw

Reproof on her lips, but a smile in her eye. - Samuel Lover 

Revenge is often like biting a dog because the dog bit you. - Austin O'Malley

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. - H. L. Mencken 

Say you were standing with one foot in the oven and one foot in an ice bucket. According to the percentage people, you would be perfectly comfortable. - Bobby Bragan

Saying what we think gives a wider range of conversation than saying what we know. - Cullen Hightower

Scientists say the world is made up of Protons, Neutrons and Electrons. Hell, they forgot to mention Morons. - Unknown

See the happy moron. He doesn’t give a damn. I wish I were a moron. My God! Perhaps I am. - Anonymous

Sex without love is merely healthy exercise. - Robert Heinlein

Shame on the body for breaking down while the spirit perseveres. - John Dryden 

She was always pleased to have him come and never sorry to see him go. - Dorothy Parker

Simply stated, it is sagacious to eschew obfuscation. - Norman Augustine

So great was the extremity of his pain and anguish that he did not only sigh but roar. - Matthew Henry