Humorous Quotes

If Jesus had been killed twenty years ago, Catholic school children would be wearing little electric chairs around their necks instead of crosses. - Lenny Bruce

When two people meet, each one is changed by the other so you got two new people. Maybe that means – hell, it's complicated. - John Steinbeck

Some McDonald's restaurants are taking reservations on Valentine's Day. They are getting a lot of tables for one. - Conan O’Brien

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

A lawyer is a gentleman that rescues your estate from your enemies and then keeps it to himself. - Henry P. Brougham

We're in a giant car heading towards a brick wall and everyone's arguing over where they're going to sit. - David Suzuki

I love it when I buy a bag of air and the company is nice enough to put some chips in. - Unknown

The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more. - Wilson Mizener

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. - Unknown

My personal hobbies are reading, listening to music, and silence. - Edith Sitwell

I don’t know the question, but sex is definitely the answer. - Woody Allen

A woman who doesn’t wear perfume has no future. - Coco Chanel

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