Thursday, 1 December 2016

Definitions You Won’t See In The Dictionary

Beauty: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband. - Ambrose Bierce

Blasphemy: a law to protect an all-powerful, supernatural deity from getting its feelings hurt. - Unknown

Cat: a pygmy lion who loves mice, hates dogs, and patronizes human beings. - Oliver Herford

Chemicals: noxious substances from which modern foods are made. - Unknown

Childhood: the period of human life intermediate between the idiocy of infancy and the folly of youth – two removes from the sin of manhood and three from the remorse of age. - Ambrose Bierce

Compromise: such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due. - Ambrose Bierce

Custard: a detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook. - Ambrose Bierce

Cynic: a blackguard whose faulty visions sees things as they are, not as they ought to be. - Ambrose Bierce

Cynic: a man who knows the price of everything, and the value of nothing. - Oscar Wilde

Democracy: the state of affairs in which you consent to having your pocket picked, and elect the best man to do it. - Benjamin Lichtenberg

Destiny: a tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure. - Ambrose Bierce

Diplomacy: the patriotic art of lying for one's country. - Ambrose Bierce

Education: that which reveals to the wise and conceals from the stupid the vast limits of their knowledge - Mark Twain

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. - Mark Twain

Egotist: a person of low taste, more interested in himself than me. - Ambrose Bierce

No comments: