Below are some humorous quips and witty comments. There will be some you can relate to. They are funny, and at the same time, there is truth in some of these quips.
I hope they bring on a chuckle, or put a smile on your face.
I meditate. I burn candles. I drink green tea. And I still want to smack some people. - Unknown
Home is where you can say anything you please, because nobody pays any attention to you anyway. - Joe Moore
No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut. - Channing Pollock
Never trust people who smile constantly. They’re either selling something or not very bright. - Laurell K. Hamilton
I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. - Rita Rudner
Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do. - Johnny Carson
No one ... appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as a dog does. - Christopher Morley
I have the simplest tastes. I am always satisfied with the best. - Oscar Wilde
Housework is like bad sex. Every time I do it I swear I will never do it again. Until the next time company comes. - Marilyn Sokol
Judge not a man by his clothes, but by his wife's clothes. - Thomas R. Dewar
No human being believes that any other human being has a right to be in bed when he himself is up. - Robert Lynd
I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird. - Frank Zappa
Most mothers are instinctive philosophers. - Harriet Beecher Stowe
It is better to be looked over than overlooked. - Mae West
The easiest way to get a divorce is to be married. - Unknown
I get lost inside my mind. - Unknown
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