That's Life

Laughter is not only the shortest distance between two people, laughter between two is sometimes a closer act of love than any other. And it doesn’t matter if you revel in the coarsest puns or the raunchiest jokes. As long as we keep our sense of humour, we keep the doom and gloom at bay.

Enjoy this selection of weekend humour. They are funny but at the same time, there is truth in some of these quips. May your weekend be filled with laughter.

Owners of dogs will have noticed that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they will think you are god. Whereas owners of cats are compelled to realize that, if you provide them with food and water and shelter and affection, they draw the conclusion that they are gods. - Christopher Hitchens

There is nothing more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends. - Homer

When kids hit one year old, it’s like hanging out with a miniature drunk. You have to hold onto them. They bump into things. They laugh and cry. They urinate. They vomit. - Johnny Depp

You know, the courts may not be working any more, but as long as everyone is videotaping everyone else, justice will be done. - Marge Simson

There are four stages to marriage. First there's the affair, then there's the marriage, then children, and finally the fourth stage, without which you cannot know a woman, the divorce. - Norman Mailer

Women have a passion for mathematics. They divide their age in half, double the price of their clothes, and always add at least five years to the age of their best friend. - Marcel Achard

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything in the house. - Jean Kerr

Boredom is my worst enemy. It's killed a lot of my friends, but it won't get me. When I get bored, I go risk my life somewhere. - Larry Niven

There's no such thing as good ideas and bad ideas. There are only your own ideas and other people's. If you want someone to like your idea, tell him he said it first last week and you just remembered it. - Scott Adams

Shopping is better than sex. If you're not satisfied after shopping, you can exchange it for something you really like. - Adrienne Gusoff

Parents are like God because you wanna know they’re out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something. - Chuck Palahniuk

So, now I've been to see a drug counsellor who told me I need to lay off the drugs and talk about my feelings, and a shrink who heard what I had to say and immediately put me on drugs. - Libby Bray

They say that nobody is perfect. Then they tell you practice makes perfect. I wish they’d make up their minds. - Wilt Chamberlain

Beauty, of course, is an asset. But the girls who have greenbacks don’t have to worry over not having pink faces. - Robert Elliott Gonzales

Hold your wife’s hand in the mall because if you let go, she’ll start shopping. It looks romantic but it’s actually economic. - Unknown

For disappearing acts, it’s hard to beat what happens to the eight hours supposedly left after eight of sleep and eight of work. - Doug Larson

Have a great weekend!

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