Weekend Humour

They say the most wasted of all days is that which one has not laughed. On this, the second day of the Lunar New Year, let’s all laugh and make merry.

Humour and laughter is the antidote to this stressful life. When possible, where possible, laugh. It may not add years to your life but will surely add life to your years.

If you are having one of those days where you are finding it hard to laugh, have a look at the following. Maybe that will bring on a chuckle, or a smile at least.

A friend of mine said onions are the only food that could make you cry. That was before I hit him in the face with a watermelon. - Unknown

The Post Office just recalled their newest stamps: They had a picture of lawyers on them ... and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on. - Marvin Lebman

There is no beast, no rush of fire, like woman so untamed. She calmly goes her way where even panthers would be shamed. - Aristophanes

What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bees and he told me about the butcher and my wife. - Rodney Dangerfield

Me, I’m dishonest, and you can always trust a dishonest man to be dishonest. Honestly, it’s the honest ones you have to watch out for. - Johnny Depp

Marriage is like a phone call in the night: first the ring, and then you wake up. - Evelyn Hendrickson

You can't put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. - Melanie Clark

Ah, good ol' trustworthy beer. My love for you will never die. - Homer Simpson

Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom. - Jerry Seinfield

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette

The difference between two men is usually a woman. - Evan Esar

Men do communicate, often very directly, but women sometimes cannot accept how simple what we have to say is. We seldom play games – we aren’t that sophisticated. - Chris Abani

In Hollywood, an equitable divorce settlement means each party getting fifty percent of the publicity. - Lauren Bacall

I’m so ugly my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet. - Rodney Dangerfield

It’s all fun and games, until someone calls the cops. Then it’s a new game; hide and seek. - Unknown

Life is uncertain. Eat dessert first. - Ernestine Ulmer

Wishing all celebrating the Lunar New Year a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous Year of the Ox

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