Here's a selection of humorous quips and quirks to start you off.
I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of my life; if I die next Tuesday. - Unknown
To be successful in life, there are many hurdles you have to overcome. For me, the biggest hurdle to success has always been failure. - Christopher Titus
When it comes to staying young, a mind-lift beats a face-lift any day. - Marty Bucella
One of the many things nobody ever tells you about middle age is that it's such a nice change from being young. - Dorothy Canfield Fisher
People often say that motivation doesn’t last. Well, neither does bathing – that's why we recommend it daily. - Zig Ziglar
It’s the perfect marriage. There’s nothing to fight about if you never talk about anything. - Dr Eric Foreman
I guess if everybody went crazy together nobody would notice. - Cormac McCarthy
Nothing is as obnoxious as other people's luck. - F. Scott Fitzgerald
He who knows how to loaf is wiser than three sages. - Abraham Miller
Whoever said “You can’t buy love”, probably never went into a pet shop! - Tom Wilson
So far, this is the oldest I've been. - George Carlin
The height of embarrassment is when two sets of eyes meet through a keyhole. - Unknown
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity. - Unknown
Behind every successful man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon Pearson
When the wine goes in, strange things come out. - Johann Christopher Friedrich von Schiller
My husband and I married for better or worse!! He couldn’t have done better and I couldn’t have done worse! - Rhonda
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