Paraprosdokians

“A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anti-climax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.” - Wikipedia

“Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis.” - Wikipedia

I hope the following paraprosdokians put a smile on your face.

I want my kids to have the things in life that I never had when I was growing up. Things like beards and chest hair. - Jarod Kintz

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. - Trent Redman

Regular naps prevent old age ... especially if you take them while driving. - Unknown

I would jump in front of a train for you, as long as it’s not moving. - Unknown

Don’t take the bull by the horns, take him by the tail; then you can let go when you want to. - Josh Billings

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else. - Margaret Mead

I’m very close to my dad. He’s about six inches away right now and snoring in my ears. - Jarod Kintz

An egotist is a person of low taste – more interested in himself than in me. - Ambrose Bierce

I was raised as an only child, which really annoyed my sister. - Will Marsh

Eat, drink and be merry, for tomorrow ye diet. - Lewis C. Henry

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong. - Samuel Goldwyn

I would like to apologize to anyone I have not offended. Please be patient. I will get to you shortly. - Unknown

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