Stay safe, stay home!
I believe that if life gives you lemons, you should make lemonade… and try to find somebody whose life has given them vodka, and have a party. - Ron White
Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. - Unknown
Congress is so strange. A man gets up to speak and says nothing. Nobody listens – and then everybody disagrees. - Boris Marshalov
I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. - Steven Wright
How much reverence can you have for a Supreme Being who finds it necessary to include such phenomena as phlegm and tooth decay in his divine system of creation? - Joseph Heller
I broke my arm in three places so I won’t be going back to those places. - Jim Rose
A woman is like a tea bag; you never know how strong she is until she gets into hot water. - Eleanor Roosevelt
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. - Unknown
Children are the most desirable opponents at Scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat. - Fran Lebowitz
I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy. - W.C. Fields
For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks but a divorce is something you always have. - Woody Allen
I realize I may not be everyone’s cup of tea. I’d rather be someone’s shot of Tequila anyway. - Unknown
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