Weekend Humour

It’s the weekend. Time to relax, take it easy. Here are some humour to help you start your weekend. Have a great one!

I never met anyone who didn't have a very smart child. What happens to these children, you wonder, when they reach adulthood? - Fran Lebowitz

Always keep several ‘Get Well’ cards on the mantelpiece. That way, if unexpected guests arrive, they’ll think you’ve been sick and unable to clean. - Aunty Acid

Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at. Take the time and thank a stupid person for their contribution. - Unknown

I live in my own little world. But it’s okay, they know me here. - Lauren Myracle

At my age I do what Mark Twain did. I get my daily paper, look at the obituaries page and if I’m not there I carry on as usual. - Patrick Moore

If I ever go missing, I want my picture on a wine bottle instead of a milk carton, this way my friends will know I am missing. - Unknown

Always remember this: ‘A kiss will never miss, and after many kisses a miss becomes a misses’. - John Lennon

I like to call in sick to work at places where I’ve never held a job. Then when the manager tells me I don't work there, I tell them I’d like to. But not today, as I’m sick. - Jarod Kintz

Everybody should do at least two things each day that he hates to do, just for practice. - William James

And although I broke a lot of laws as a teenager, I straightened out immediately upon turning eighteen, when I realized the state had a legal right to execute me. - George Carlin

I like men who have a future and women who have a past. - Oscar Wilde

If someone says, “You’re gonna regret that in the morning,” I sleep in ‘til noon. Problem solved. - Unknown 

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