Weekend Humour

Life is too short to waste it worrying about things you have no control over. So, relax and have fun. Laugh as heartily as you can, as often as you can. A hearty laugh will overcome more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing.

Enjoy this selection of quips. They are funny but at the same time, there is a lot of truth in some of these quips. May your weekend be filled with laughter.

When I don’t smoke I scarcely feel as if I’m living. I don’t feel as if I’m living unless I’m killing myself. - Russell Hoban

It doesn’t matter if the glass is half empty or half full … Be grateful that you have a glass, and there is something in it. - Unknown

Burglars, judging by our statistics, define opportunity as an unoccupied, unlocked house stocked with portable television sets. - Gerald Cvetko

If your arteries are good, eat more ice cream. If they are bad, drink more red wine. Proceed thusly. - Sandra Byrd

Silence is golden; duct tape is silver. - Unknown

Business was his aversion; pleasure was his business. - Unknown

We are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities. - Unknown

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me. - Elayne Boosler

The computer saves man a lot of guesswork, but so does the bikini. - Evan Esar

The difference between us and other people is that their money looks bigger and their troubles smaller. - Evan Esar

Some minds are so unclothed that they are indecent. - Austin O’Malley

I get more cleaning done in the ten minutes before someone comes over than I do in a week. - Unknown

Beer is prose. Wine is poetry. - Jenifer Rosen

Old boys have their playthings as well as young ones; the difference is only in price. - Benjamin Franklin

I like being single, I’m always there when I need me. - Art Leo

Provoking, isn’t it? That when one is most in need of sensible words, one finds them not. - Charlotte L. Forten Grimke

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. - Unknown

You never realize what a good memory you have until you try to forget something. - Franklin P. Jones

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