Weekend Humour

Laughter might not solve your problems, but it will help to take the edge off your difficult moments. It helps you to enjoy life even when you do not have everything you want. Always laugh when you can. Life is more bearable when you laugh. And it doesn’t matter if you revel in the coarsest puns or the raunchiest jokes. As long as we keep our sense of humour, we keep the doom and gloom at bay.

Enjoy this selection of tongue-in-cheek quips. They are funny but at the same time, there is truth in some of these quips. May your weekend be filled with laughter.

A book has to be easy to open and you don’t have to be a bodybuilder to lift it. I like books I can read in bed. Those big tombstones would kill me. - Karl Lagerfeld

Democracy means that anyone can grow up to be president, and anyone who doesn't grow up can be vice president. - Johnny Carson

Many a husband lives to regret the extravagant fee he bestowed upon the minister who sentenced him. - Evan Esar

I must have a prodigious amount of mind; it takes me as much as a week, sometimes, to make it up! - Mark Twain

Diets show to what great lengths women will go so as not to go to great widths. - Evan Esar

I’m so fast that last night I turned off the light switch in my hotel room and was in bed before the room was dark. - Muhammad Ali

Marriage is just fancy word to adopt an over grown male child who is no more handled by his parents. - Unknown

If a glass of wine is good for you, just imagine what a whole bottle could do. - Unknown

I think sleeping was my problem in school. If school had started at four in the afternoon, I’d be a college graduate today. - George Foreman

A dame that knows the ropes isn’t likely to get tied up. - Mae West

How we all want so badly to divorce reality, but that bitch just won’t sign the papers. - Christopher Poindexter

A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her – as long as it's a diamond. - Evan Esar

According to the latest poll, a record 73 percent of Americans think the country is headed in the wrong direction. But the good news: Gas is so expensive that we’ll never get there. - Jay Leno

Ah, well, I am a great and sublime fool. But then I am God's fool, and all His works must be contemplated with respect. - Mark Twain

I am ready to meet my maker, but whether my maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - Winston Churchill

I can live for two months on a good compliment. - Mark Twain

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