Here are some humorous and witty quotes. They are funny, and at the same time, there is quite a bit of truth in them. Keep a collection of the ones you like and you will be a witty and humorous person.
When you stretch the truth, watch out for the snap-back. - Bill Copeland
It would probably be an improvement if more things we heard went out the other ear instead of the mouth. - Unknown
When money talks, nobody notices what grammar it uses. - Unknown
It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it. - Steven Wright
Keep smiling and one day life will get tired of upsetting you. - Unknown
Laziness travels so slowly that poverty soon overtakes him. - Benjamin Franklin
Joy, temperance, and repose, slam the door on the doctor’s nose. - Henry Wadworth Longfellow
Those that can, do. Those that can’t, complain. - Linus Torvalds
It is easier to swallow angry words than to have to eat them. - Unknown
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge! - Unknown
In levying taxes and in shearing sheep it is well to stop when you get down to the skin. - Austin O’Malley
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