Witty Humour

Here are some humorous and witty quotes to start your week. They are funny, and at the same time, there is quite a bit of truth in them. Keep a collection of the ones you like and go impress your friends with them. You will find yourself very popular because we all like a witty person with a sense of humour.

Everyone in a way is a leader. Some lead you to success; others will lead you to despair. Choose your leader wisely and be a wise leader if you are one. - Unknown

For you to be successful, sacrifices must be made. It’s better that they are made by others but failing that, you’ll have to make them yourself. - Rita Mae Brown

Women's eyes have pierced more hearts than ever did the bullets of war. - William Scott Downey

A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can’t help himself. - Henry Morgan

Even if you are on the right track, you will get run over if you just sit there. - John Ray

A lawyer with a briefcase can steal more than a thousand men with guns. - Mario Puzo

Eagles may soar, but weasels don’t get sucked into jet engines. - John Benfield

Cold feet are often the direct result of burned fingers! - Unknown

Everybody wants sympathy, but nobody wants people feeling sorry for them. - Beryl Pfizer

A lie can travel halfway around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes. - Mark Twain

Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to be appointed to do the work. - Laurence Peter

Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof. - John Kenneth Galbraith

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