Paraprosdokians

“A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anti-climax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.” - Wikipedia

“Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase, but also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis.” - Wikipedia

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “calm down’ in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset. - Unknown

The world would be a much nicer place if everyone took a chill pill. It would be even better if some of them choked on it. - Unknown

Women must come off the pedestal. Men put us up there to get us out of the way. - Viscountess Rhondda

People who have no weaknesses are terrible; there is no way of taking advantage of them. - Anatole France

She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon. - Groucho Marx

Relationships are like fat people. Most of them don’t work out. - Unknown

Someday you’ll go far. Please stay there. - Unknown

The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. - George Carlin

I broke my arm in three places so I won’t be going back to those places. - Jim Rose

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them. - Rodney Dangerfield

Sometimes you have to burn the bridges to keep the crazies from following you. - Unknown

The world is a hellish place, and bad writing is destroying the quality of our suffering. - Tom Waits

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