I had a date last night. I really enjoyed it. So, tonight, I am going to try a fig. - Unknown
Apparently, I snore so loudly that it scares everyone in the car I’m driving. - Unknown
Not to brag, but I just went into another room and actually remember why I went in there. It was the bathroom, but still… - Unknown
A recent study recently found that humans eat more bananas than monkeys. I can’t remember the last time I ate a monkey. - Unknown
People usually get what’s coming to them – unless it’s been mailed. - Unknown
Don’t give up on your dreams, keep sleeping. - Unknown
I am not drinking any more. Then again, I am not drinking any less. - Unknown
Be safe tonight. Sleep with a cop. - Unknown
Everybody should believe in something. I believe I should win the lotto, quit my job and be sitting on a beach drinking beer. - Unknown
I finally got eight hours of sleep! It took three days… but, whatever. - Unknown
With great power comes great utility bills. - Unknown
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